Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
