so that wasnt chicken after all
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
