3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
