found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
