and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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