i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
