i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize