i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
