i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
40s are totally the cure
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
