Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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