As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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