I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
