She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
