Quick, to the slutcave!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
