I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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