i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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