it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
