I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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