After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
