last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
