weddingsv make me drug and hornr
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We had to coat check the pizza.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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