Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
