Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
