bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
