Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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