I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
