it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
