You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
