and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
