I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
