party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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