Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
