she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
