im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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