I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
And the cops told us we were all naked.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
