I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
