I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
