her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
if only i could text you this smell
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
