Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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