he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
