Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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