called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
