..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Randomize
