yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
