girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
