Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
