i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
zippers are such a cool invention
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
