she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
