The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
