Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
