Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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