Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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