I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
