Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
