I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Randomize
