R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
