i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
