we're blogging at a bar
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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