I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
