you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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