He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize