omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
