ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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