He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We need to get me chipped asap
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
