id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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