why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
