and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize