I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
